I’ve mentioned a few times on the blog that I am strong. It has become, weirdly, part of my identity. Weird, because I’ve always been more of a cerebral art-nerd than a jock, if we’re doing American teen movie stereotypes of which box you go in, and also because growing up I suffered with chronic illness which meant that my energy levels were often such that climbing a set of stairs could drain me for the rest of the day.
Saying I’m strong is not an idle flex. It is fact. My profession (aerial instructor) and passions (circus and fitness in general) – mean that being strong is an integral part of my work and my life. Whilst the disciplines I teach at hobby level do not require anything but a very basic level of fitness, the things I train personally do. Corde lisse (aerial rope) and straps are both pretty strengthy disciplines that I’ve gravitated towards because of that fact, as I am much stronger than I am aerial-smart or flexible. Lifting myself with one arm or climbing a rope with my toes is more my comfort level than posing in the splits or making complex wraps with silks.
I like being strong. I am averagely small and lean – I have to lift myself so hypertrophy and gigantic heavy muscles would be more of a hinderance than a help – and people are often surprised that I can pick them up, or do more pull-ups than your average densely muscled gym bro. I am confident in my physical ability in ways that I often lack in other areas of my life, as it is incredibly measurable and not subjective – nobody can tell me I’m not strong in the way they might say I’m not smart, or pretty, or funny.
Being strong provides it’s own challenges and benefits when it comes to sex and kink. For a lot of people, a huge part of being a submissive/bottom seems to centre around the idea of being overpowered or being weaker than their partner. For me this can be difficult, as realistically I am stronger than most women I meet – and a surprising amount of men. I like to fight and push and challenge people physically in bed, and if they can’t meet the challenge I usually end up frustrated. Apart from my masochism and love of pain, it’s one of the reason I tend to gravitate towards sadists, as even if someone isn’t physically stronger than me they can easily overpower me if they are willing and eager to hurt me. I have historically struggled in the past sleeping with people who are uneasy about hurting me. Sometimes I just need someone to slap me hard in the face to keep me in line.
While I enjoy the idea of being overpowered by someone stronger than me as much as the next filthy deviant, there’s something equally as captivating about the idea of being strong and letting someone take advantage of me anyway. I suppose in many ways that is what submission comes down to for a lot of people, but as someone who struggles with the label of ‘submissive’ that’s something that may take a while to come to terms with.
